...where you just want to scream at the top of your lungs as just release all the bullshit in your life, past or present. You just want to tell everyone you hate to fuck off and everyone you love to stay with you forever. And why can't I do that? WHY!? It's as if I'm on this never ending rollercoaster that leads me back to the same efen beginning and does not stop. I have to find a way out of this reoccurring ride that I didn't ask to be on. It is bullshit to see myself like this. To feel myself is shame. To sense that the world sees this as well!! Its sucks that I can't help myself nor do I allow anyone else to as well. Why can't I just be the way I want to be. Why does there always have to be questions involved. Why can't things just be!? Wow.. im soo contradicting myself cuz I am asking a million questions. OLGA LIFE JUST IS and YOU MUST DO! Now do what!? Do as I please? ..what would people think of me!? Do as I go?.. where will that take me in life!? Do as I see?.. what if I see is a bad influence? Do as I want?... what if I don't know what I want!? My past has helped me become a better me at least for now. I know things now that I didn't know before but was it allllllll worth it!?? Did it truly benefit you or did it make you carry this reputation, a habit, an old image of you!? Sucks that you can't turn back time and redo things properly or more maturely. But I guess you have to go thru immaturity to get to maturity. This feeling of hopelessness and despair and unworthiness lingers on. Am i going to be good enough? Am i good enough!? Am I?
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